a little bit of narcissism won't hurt, and vanity isn't a sin. and novels are my favorite things.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
beauty in the breakdown
i haven't updated this in a few days..
i don't really have much to say is why. i had a pretty crappy day yesterday. i don't know. i'm done with boys for now, i mean i'm not saying i need one to make me happy. what i'm saying is i don't need one to bring my happiness level down. i feel super used because he got what he wanted and then he's gone. he's an asshole. and i'm ashamed that i let myself like him. but, i never planned it ever. if i knew it would've ended up like this, us not even friends i would have never wanted to hangout with him, and shit. i mean he could have just been a good guy and not treat me amazingly, and then just leave ok. srsly. wtf. idk.
anyhow...the only person that knows about this is taronda, and you if you're reading this. but, it's only because atm, she's the only person i trust 150% no one else. like i know it sucks when you have someone walk outta your life, but then there's always a reason for everything, and even though i don't want to accept that reason, i know that in the future i'll look back and i'll be absolutely okay with him just leaving. i'll be okay with everyone that has walked outta my life, and i won't worry about it anymore.
i know most days everyone thinks i'm so damn strong, but it's getting harder and harder to not let things get to me. i've been putting up a wall, lately. ONLY because i want someone to break it down. i want to feel like someone besides my best friend cares. if you were in my shoes, you'd understand why. it's not because i want attention, it's not even that i want people around me. it's just that i want to know that when everything is over, who is seriously gonna be there, who is gonna break that wall down, to get to me. idk who it'll be. and i don't care who it is. just as long as someone will do it, and not fret & complain.
i just want to find people who will fight with me and break through to me and hold me down and scream their life into my face, and make me realize how good i have it. but, who knows if i'll ever have that? obviously, not me.
i found this quote, on some random website, and it screamed out life to me. it makes me realize that to live your life, you have to live, not for everyone else, but for yourself. do what you must to enjoy life, and don't care about anything. even though there is some suffering and pain don't give up, don't fool yourself into believing that your life is over and done with, because i can guarantee you it's not. don't you dare give up, because at that moment when you're done when you're ready for everything to just end, hold on, for just one more second, because there is going to be someone there to catch you, to let you know that life is not giving up, life is not ending, life is everything but that, your life and what you do, everyday is how people are going to portray you. take a look in the mirror, you're beautiful or you're ugly. you're skinny or you're fat, you're nice, or you're a bitch...but who cares. seriously who cares about these things, unless you are so shallow. and people that are they don't really live their lives, but you you should. don't let other people bring you down, don't you dare. because your life is what matters.
if you read that, and it meant nothing to you, then you're probably one of those shallow people, that don't care. and don't live your life like you should. you probably take life for granted, i mean hey we all do. but sometimes, you just have to stop, and realize how damn lucky you are to be alive, to live the life you do.
and i think that's all for now, i'll probably update some more later.
peace&love to everyone.♥
i don't really have much to say is why. i had a pretty crappy day yesterday. i don't know. i'm done with boys for now, i mean i'm not saying i need one to make me happy. what i'm saying is i don't need one to bring my happiness level down. i feel super used because he got what he wanted and then he's gone. he's an asshole. and i'm ashamed that i let myself like him. but, i never planned it ever. if i knew it would've ended up like this, us not even friends i would have never wanted to hangout with him, and shit. i mean he could have just been a good guy and not treat me amazingly, and then just leave ok. srsly. wtf. idk.
anyhow...the only person that knows about this is taronda, and you if you're reading this. but, it's only because atm, she's the only person i trust 150% no one else. like i know it sucks when you have someone walk outta your life, but then there's always a reason for everything, and even though i don't want to accept that reason, i know that in the future i'll look back and i'll be absolutely okay with him just leaving. i'll be okay with everyone that has walked outta my life, and i won't worry about it anymore.
i know most days everyone thinks i'm so damn strong, but it's getting harder and harder to not let things get to me. i've been putting up a wall, lately. ONLY because i want someone to break it down. i want to feel like someone besides my best friend cares. if you were in my shoes, you'd understand why. it's not because i want attention, it's not even that i want people around me. it's just that i want to know that when everything is over, who is seriously gonna be there, who is gonna break that wall down, to get to me. idk who it'll be. and i don't care who it is. just as long as someone will do it, and not fret & complain.
i just want to find people who will fight with me and break through to me and hold me down and scream their life into my face, and make me realize how good i have it. but, who knows if i'll ever have that? obviously, not me.
You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life.
- J. Krishnamurti
- J. Krishnamurti
i found this quote, on some random website, and it screamed out life to me. it makes me realize that to live your life, you have to live, not for everyone else, but for yourself. do what you must to enjoy life, and don't care about anything. even though there is some suffering and pain don't give up, don't fool yourself into believing that your life is over and done with, because i can guarantee you it's not. don't you dare give up, because at that moment when you're done when you're ready for everything to just end, hold on, for just one more second, because there is going to be someone there to catch you, to let you know that life is not giving up, life is not ending, life is everything but that, your life and what you do, everyday is how people are going to portray you. take a look in the mirror, you're beautiful or you're ugly. you're skinny or you're fat, you're nice, or you're a bitch...but who cares. seriously who cares about these things, unless you are so shallow. and people that are they don't really live their lives, but you you should. don't let other people bring you down, don't you dare. because your life is what matters.
if you read that, and it meant nothing to you, then you're probably one of those shallow people, that don't care. and don't live your life like you should. you probably take life for granted, i mean hey we all do. but sometimes, you just have to stop, and realize how damn lucky you are to be alive, to live the life you do.
and i think that's all for now, i'll probably update some more later.
peace&love to everyone.♥